For the first day of the NCAA Tournament (one of my favorite days of the year), I wanted to see exactly how much time I could spend watching hoops and pretending to be productive at work.  This morphed into trading emails with my buddy Sourk, who coincidentally was doing the same thing.  Games kicked off at 12:15pm EST.

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Me (11:36am EST)

Yes, the title to this was me uncomfortably forcing a Game of Thrones reference on you.  But let’s be honest, the Madness is, in fact, coming.  Here’s our gimmick for the day: we’re going to trade emails/thoughts/attempted witticisms on all the hoops we can watch while pretending to work.  Not too far from my normal day, except this time I’m actually watching sports instead of trolling the internet for good reads.  Let me also preface by saying that I am currently enjoying some sort of rare African flu that is sweeping the city (tangent: NYC really is like one giant petri dish.  I relive the movie ‘Outbreak’ every 4 weeks.), am on a potentially lethal combination of cold medicine, and am attempting to counter that with unholy amounts of caffeine. My mind may wander, so bear with me.

So, back to hoops.  Can we just agree off the bat, greatest sporting event of the year?  Good.  It’s seriously like a Gambler’s Christmas.  Here’s a few games I’m interested in today:

(14) Davidson vs. (3) Marquette

Went out on a limb and took Davidson here.  Why?  Because I watched Steph Curry drop 54 on the Knicks, fell in love with his wet jumper all over again, then really wanted to pick an upset when I had all the top seeds advancing.  And last year, the Big East sort of crapped the bed, so I’m hoping Marquette continues the trend.  Also, I’ve never seen Marquette play.  Chances of winning: 1.5%

(11) Belmont vs. (6) Arizona

I picked Belmont here for a few reasons.  1. As a CU alum, I now whole-heartedly hate the Wildcats and their fat slob of a coach.  They completely jobbed us out of the W in AZ when we nailed a clearly-legal game winner, we bent them over in Boulder, and I’m not really counting the L in the PAC-12 tourney.  2.  Again, I’ve never seen Belmont play, but I needed some upsets, and I was looking for teams I hated and/or thought could lose (see point 1).  3.  Mark Titus told me to, and he’s hilarious.  Chances of winning: 12%

(8) Colorado State vs. (9) Missouri

Because it sucks, to be, a CSU Ram.  That’s why.  Chances of winning: 99.9%

*All percentages approximate

Sourk (11:54am EST)

Fuck Duke. Seriously. I know they’re 18-2 or something with Ryan Kelly (who seemlessly took the throne of hideous white guy from Kyle Singler and John Shier), but they got beat by MD twice recently. I don’t chalk those up as rude awakening games, I chalk it up as team that can guard Plumlee without a double team, chase around Seth Curry and penetrate offensively can beat them. You know who does that?? Michigan State. Doesn’t hurt they have some sort of Jedi tournament master roaming the sidelines for them.

I think you need to add Miami and Florida to your list…or downgrade your 100% accordingly.  I can totally see the long guards of Syracuse giving the little white guy on Indiana trouble and the zone limiting my favorite player of all time (Oladipo), then losing to Miami in the Elite 8.  Florida is fortunate enough to be in the same bracket as the two teams that are always awesome in the regular season and lose in the tournament, KU and Gtown.  I think it’s a bad sign when you can invision a team getting beat in the second round OR winning it all.

Finally, don’t you think it’s awesome how everyone comes out of the woodwork after watching a one hour ESPN special and pretends they’re huge NCAA fans??  I’ve had countless people in my office come up to me and say “too bad for St. Louis, I would’ve had them going to the final four if they weren’t in the group of death. Rick Majerus really knows what he’s doing.”  Listen assholes, 1. Rick Majerus is dead (RIP), 2. you know NOTHING about St. Louis aside from what Jay Bilas just told you, 3. I bet you don’t watch the World Cup and even know what the Group of Death refers to.  Where were you when I was watching the Maui Invitational months ago??

Lastly, when did Louisville become THE team? Every bracket I see has them winning it all. I get it, they’re awesome. But as little as two weeks ago, I was absolutely convinced Indiana would win it all. A month ago, I knew it would be Duke. I’ve never seen anything like this….there are a legit 8 teams that have been the best team in the country at some point this year.

Me (1:05pm EST)

In case there is anybody reading this, and that person isn’t familiar with our man Ryan Kelly.

Ryan Kelly may break a few mirrors, but Bilas LOOOOVES his length. So there’s that.  I still like Duke in the title game though.  That said, lets go ahead and get our picks on the table:

Final Four- Duke, Ohio St, Indiana, Kansas.

Champ- Duke over Indiana

That last part absolutely tormented me, as like you- Oladipo gives me a total chub.  Whenever he pulls some Spider-Man shit, I think of Bubbles from The Wire and yell ‘OLADIPO, WHERE’S MY PEOPLE!’  I just have 0 confidence in Tom Crean. Between his sophomoric post-game antics and subbing players like he’s college drunk, the man is a total cartoon.

and why would you play your All-Americans in a tight game?

just lost to OSU, CUT DOWN THE NETS!!

And just for fun… YOU RUINED OUR PROGRAM!!!

Me (1:07pm EST)

Just got pulled into back-to-back meetings, dammit.  iPhone it is.  Too close for missiles, switching to guns.

Sourk (1:49 EST)

I have so many brackets my final fours are all over the place…which brings me to another point: strategy in filling out a bracket is so key. You need to actually look at the point format and number of people in the pool.  For instance, I have a fairly conservative bracket with Louisville, Ohio State, Gtown and Indiana (Louisville over Indiana in the finals).  This bracket has about 25 people in it and doubles in points as you move forward (1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32). Pretty much, you HAVE to get the champion correct. BUT, I have more upsets early because as long as your sweet 16 and elite 8 stay in tact, missing out on a point in round one doesn’t hurt.

My other bracket has Louisville, Ohio State, Miami and Florida with Louisville over Florida in the finals.  I’m a little more conservative early do to it being scored a little more evenly than above, but there are 90 people in it.  There is no worse feeling that looking at the standings on the first Monday of the tournament and realizing that you mathematically are out of it because 3 idiots above you have the EXACT SAME picks moving forward and they luckily got that 13 over 4 upset that you couldn’t pull the trigger on.  Going with a final 4 like this let’s you always say “as long as Florida and Miami pull off upsets I can still win this thing!”

This is why there are about 30 crumpled up sheets of paper all around my office.

Me (3:20pm EST)

You should be super excited for Louisville completely messing their britches the first time they get into a close game.  Just prepare to watch Russ Smith dribble out the shot clock, then launch a contested fade-away that doesn’t draw iron, good times.  If I sound like a jilted loved, it’s probably because I lost several bets on them.Anyway, got an hour until my next meeting, thank god for the CBS Boss Button!  Also, I have Pitt wrapped up in both bets I made today, and they’re currently losing to Wichita State 33-26.  Wichita State shouldn’t even be in the tournament.  I seriously hate everything.

Sourk (3:45pm EST)

Wichita State is among the teams you only know exist BECAUSE of the tournament. Also included: Niagra, Western Kentucky, Valparaiso, IUPUI…I think without March Madness, admissions at those places would be cut in half. Easy.

Is there a better feeling than the sigh of relief for getting a game right? I don’t care if it’s a 3 over a 14, I give myself a mental check mark or ‘atta boy’ everytime. Conversely, THINKING you got a game right, only to check your bracket and realize you picked the other way is catostrophic. I never get over it…until the feeling above kicks in again.

Sourk (4:48pm EST)

Thought I’d skip my turn because you’re in meetings…Memphis is up a handful and about to shoot a boat load of foul shots over the next minute plus.

How is it possible to recruit some of the best athletes in the country that can NEVER make foul shots?!??!

Me (5:00pm EST)

Good question Aguato.

But yes, pretty obnoxious.  Makes me think of my mom who thinks NBA players should be fined for missing free throws.  She seems to forget that her son is a career 60-70% free throw shooter, not great.

In other news, F*ck Pitt.  Really, F*ck Pitt, and my buddies that convinced me they were a lock.  Instead of watching them burn my money, want to know what I got to do for the last hour?  Listen to a girl tell me all about how to advertise on Facebook.  Apparently the platform is on the verge of some really exciting things.  The new platform is going to CHANGE the GAME.  Needed that like I need a hole in the head.How ’bout those Davidson Wildcats, huh?  Looking frisky… since it’s 5:00pm here, I’m putting it on cruise control… NO MORE WORK.

Sourk (5:30pm EST)

The funny thing about Pitt (and really the tournament in general) is I knew nothing about them, but after a few articles, I was almost certain they were going to knock of Gonzaga. Then, BOOM, gone.

The more I’ve read, the more I’ve noticed that you really need to be a certain type of team to make an upset…create a hectic environment that becomes real dangerous when you throw in some stress and the possibility of actually having your season end, and be able to make it rain from 3.  Davidson hits the 3’s, so they still have a chance. If they go cold because they’re thinking ahead, Marquette will squeak this out.  Watching this game has me convinced that the Brad Stevens’ will make it to another sweet 16 and possibly further…dude’s a beast. Rember this ??

He just walks off like a boss.

Me (5:34pm EST)

Ha, yes. That was amazing.  Can we acknowledge the Davidson crunch-time lineup real quick?  One player short of a white-wash.  Amazing.

Sourk (5:51pm EST) – Davidson just choked away a major upset

They REALLY didn’t do anything wrong either. They made 2 each time at the line, contested the 3’s (that all happened to be pure) and even the turnover should’ve been a foul before it got to that…Marquette was pushing people around a half-second too late.

Upsetting is that it’s most likely the game of the tournament and it’s over already, and I have my office tv/computer on mute. I was pretending Gus Johnson was having an orgasm the entire time.

Me (6:51pm EST)

I just stayed late at work for the Gonzaga game, just in case I was witnessing history.  Instead, I saw two Canucks put away the game for a 1-seed.  Canucks.  Not sure how I feel aboot that (see what I did there?)Headed home now, still hoping for a Belmont upset and a CSU blood bath.  Despite my losing 3 of the first 8, the day is not lost Kyle.